Oh, Cannabis!
The brilliance of my native land shines forth from Vancouver today. As recounted in the AP story,
Film Makers Hear From Prostitutes, activists are bemoaning the slumlord-style antics of American moviemakers.
VANCOUVER, British Columbia (AP) - The movie industry should compensate prostitutes, drug addicts and homeless people for forcing them from their neighborhoods during filming, activist groups say.
In a letter sent to 30 production companies working in Vancouver this year, the Housing Action Committee and the Vancouver Area Network of Drug Users argue that workers in other trades get compensated for lost wages if film production disrupts their work sites.
Vancouver Area Network of Drug Users? I've been in board meetings that seemed drug-addled even when everyone was sober. These guys must make Dilbert-style meetings seem sane.
"Sex trade workers must be compensated for displacement they experience at your hands in the same manner you would compensate a business if you were to use their locale during operating hours," the letter said. "The same must hold true for homeless people you push from beneath a bridge or doorway and drug users you move from a park."
Sex trade workers must be compensated? I thought the visit of a movie production company guaranteed that. And just how do you gauge the value of one bridge or doorway over another? The lawyers can be the only winners in such a dispute.
Production companies pay federal, provincial and municipal taxes and fees to film in Canada, but the activist groups want the film industry to negotiate directly with residents.
Makes sense, eh? Stars like Charlie Sheen are experienced at negotiating with prostitutes, and Robert Downey, Jr. is certainly capable of handling the drug side, so it does seem quite logical to cut out the middleman.
Housing committee member Chris Livingstone said Wednesday that he lives on the streets, so "film companies are invading my life when they take over these streets."
Just how much tax does Chris (Dr. Livingstone, I presume) pay for upkeep on his beloved streets? And who would want to take advice from a "Housing committee member" who lives on the streets? That's like having an actress who's played a farm wife testify before the House Agriculture Committee about farm issues. Oh wait, Sissy Spacek and Jessica Lange already did that. Maybe my fellow Canadians are on to something after all. They certainly picked the one industry addled enough to take them seriously.
The solution is simple. Let's ship the Baldwin brothers to Vancouver to act as permanent liasons--the inaugural diplomats of the Hollywood embassy. That would allow Alec to keep his promise regarding our last election, and would provide the street people of Vancouver with endless amusement as they tried to guess which Baldwin they were negotiating with this time.
